By Nur Afiqah Bte Mohd Azman

Be a parent to yourself and learn the ways to soothe your inner childAnonymous


It is a new concept that I have embraced in my life. I am sensitive to people’s comments and criticism. And I want to find a solution to this issue. God answered my prayers and I learnt about self-parenting.

In each of us, we have an inner child situated within our soul. When we are hurt and in deep emotional pain, our inner child is crying and upset, and that can affect our reaction to the situation that we are in.

What works for me might not work for you.

Our parents may neglect our needs when we were very young.

“I am not seen”

“I am not heard”

The inner child will have the following inner child reaction of blaming, screaming, throwing tantrums, name calling, using the silent treatment or slamming the door for instance.

A wise adult self will say: I’m experiencing a core wound from my past, in the present. I acknowledge my inner child pain and I will choose a new reaction.

After taking a role of a wise adult self and calming my inner child through positive self-talk, I find myself transforming into someone totally new. I become calmer when someone is screaming at me, as I know the person is having some inner child reaction. I understand the situation and I do not react to it.

We have the power to choose our reaction and how we choose to respond.

It is important to avoid blaming yourself and avoid anyone in the situation and we have to go deep into what we can learn from the situation. This is very helpful method when it comes to facing a painful situation.

We have to be a parent to ourselves and we cannot expect parenting from someone else. Be a wise parent to our inner child and we become calm in handling the situation.


This is closely linked to positive self-talk. When we talk kindly to ourselves, our inner child will feel good and loved. Being loved is the inner child’s craving since birth. It is good to  love and to be loved.

Self-parenting is like being a real parent to a real child.– Anonymous

Once we embrace this concept, we will be better parents for our children and our children will learn that from us. In the future, our children can become better parents for their own children and this is a transfer of love through different generations. Isn’t that great?

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